qu'est sera sera

my "fortune" message in a dove chocolate said "don't think about it so much."
can we think too much? can we feel too much?
can we put any credence in chance or happenstance?
(what do you think? i say that in jest --truly)

whether or not you believe in "things for a reason," in "serendipity," or...not...
there's no denying that HOW we choose to respond to situations largely affects
our perceptions and equally affects others around us.

it is up for debate --whether or not WE can affect another person, or an outcome.
we'd like to believe that what we do will make a difference. some kind of difference -- in our world, or in the world at large.
i recognize that there's a trend on the rise, (with an increase rapid developing technolog, and in an increase in "interactive" design.) People believe that if we push harder or push faster, we can change our future, alter a situation or affect others. i think we've crossed past the point of no return. it IS out of control. the control is no longer ours.

there are some things that find their beauty in the magic, in the element of surprise. there are some things that must be left to destiny and hope and chance.

in light of all this, i've seen a resurgence and a need for religion, spirituality. a number of my friends my age, who are formerly self-proclaimed agnostics or atheists, have sought increased guidance, divine structure. i'm recognizing a time, in which we are all looking for reasons to explain the painful "why."

i believe this is a reflection of our times. there is a need to define a society. it is as though we are experiencing a wrinkle in our history that feels so ever much "out of control." thus,
we try to explain the painful and unexplainable.

many of us look to our own art, to our personal creativity, to divine intervention to provide us with answers.
i think there might be some beauty in knowing that there is joy to be found in the inexplainable.
in spite of world pain or sadness, there is comfort in sharing the moments with people that make us laugh, in finding colors that brighten our day, in discovering thoughts that consume us, and in knowing we'll all be okay.
the beauty comes in knowing that we don't need to look for those things; they are truly in our hearts and in our spirits.
art comes in that free and daring expression.

the essence of a spirit & stephen's passing

there are some people you know, whom you don't get to spend much time with.
they come into your life and you like them and you have an affect on each other, but
you don't ever really hang out. stephen cleary was such a person.
i spoke with stephen a couple weeks ago while he was in the midst of his treatment. we had a brief phone conversation
and then folks arrived to visit with him at the hospital. i have guilt about not being one of those visitors.
my personal solace is that i remember stephen as a strong healthy vibrant man, who was very kind to others and
often smiling. he was one of those models who really knew how to model: you could tell, that stephen
cared. he wasn't on the stand for money, he was well respected for his classic poses. he worked hard to keep his body in shape. he liked to model.

i often remember stephen would smile as he posed.
he and i met in virginia's class. she reminded me today that he would often like to take photos of the drawings.
he'd often ask permission and it'd really make the budding artists feel good about their work. he seemed like a very generous soul.
i look forward to meeting some of his family and other friends. i don't look forward to seeing his lifeless body, at the funeral, because he seemed so full of life. the irony is that as a model, you don't mind letting folks see your body, because that is not really your essence and your core. this couldn't be more true than now.

i think artists often forget that when we paint or sculpt or draw someone, it is not their bodies that we are painting, it's their essence, their spirit that we are capturing. this is why some models resonate with us more than others.

in this case, it was a pleasure to know stephen and share his spirit. this will live on, in many of us.

(drawings to be posted soon. please feel free to send me any drawings that you might have of stephen cleary, and i'll try to post)

#2 breakups and other kinds of rebounds

do you think it's possible to break up with a favorite painting? what about an acquaintance or a colleague? what about someone you work with? what about a color? what about a job? or a medium?

i'm not sure: what i do know that i definitely have rebound art.
it's just not working between me and the drawing, so i'll switch mediums and the effects of the rebound are obvious. i quickly become infatuated. it's like i've never been mad at art before.

i think one's relationship to art, can be just like one's relationships to people.
sometimes you just have to get over it, and move on.
break it off, give back all the trappings that held the two of you together, throw their clothes on the street or throw away their photos. and then, only then, can we begin to think in new ways, find new colors, new things that excite us.

as much as i try to move on, though, i still find myself loving the number 2 ticonderoga pencil. there's something just so sexy about how it shades and feels and just *is.*
i've tried others, and i still have a crush on my old #2.
and the same goes for naples yellow and indigo blue. perhaps i'll try new variations on the same shades, but there's just something about the first blush of color that's made you fall in love.